It's Over

Important Holiday Lessons:

1. Multitasking might seem like a good idea, but actually it is not. Even more so around Christmastime. Make two different kinds of dressing at the same time? Hell, yeah. That's true efficiency. Be sure to use the broiler to speed-brown the bread cubes, too. Just don't leave the pan on the top rack and get distracted by something else. Open flames roaring out of the oven tend to be a bit of a holiday downer. And rattle you to the point where you can't multitask everything else you need to get done. Damn waste of good bread, too.

2. No matter how many teetering mountains of packages a four year-old has unwrapped and abandoned on the floor over the course of three days, when she is done, she will look up at you with big brown eyes and still ask 'Aunt Kathy, where are the rest of my presents?'

3. Stuff breaks. All the time. Any time. Some things can be fixed with a minimum of time and four-letter words. Like the freezer door handle 30 minutes before dinner guests arrive. Other things require professional help. The garage door will hang horribly askew until sometime tomorrow morning when said professionals arrive.

4. Test your smoke detectors when you have a house full of guests to let them know you are a safety-conscious individual. Searing prime rib in a 515 F oven is a terrific and tasty way to accomplish this.

5. One Guinness + one B-complex tablet + 600 mg of Ibuprofen + one large goblet of Haywood Cabernet Sauvignon = Happy Holidays!!!