The house, she is a-fallin' apart

Usually my life is one constant, self-indulgent laugh riot, but once in a while reality intrudes. Like this morning, when Tim and I are looking at a bank of cupboards in the kitchen, knowing something doesn't look quite right, but unable to figure out exactly what it is. Do we have too much glassware on the shelves? Is that just a bit of sag in the middle of the shelf? Could it be that we just reached critical mass with the pint glasses?

Well, the reason that the two door handles are askew by at least a half inch is that the cupboard unit is completely separating in the back, and the side of it is inexorably sliding down the wall. Hmmmm. How long has this been going on? Why did we just notice it today? Has this creeping problem been happening for the whole 8 years this house has existed?

More to the point: how much is it going to cost to fix?

Probably about the same amount I would have paid for a chocolate diamond ring that I was outbid on in the last minute of the auction today *sticks lower lip out as far as it can go and sobs pathetically*